Post by Cynthia Aubrey Ciarda on Aug 2, 2012 12:42:46 GMT -7
cynthia a. ciarda
24(97). FEMALE. VAMPIRE. PANSEXUAL.
In the beginning, Jynx was very dependent on me. She couldn’t really do much without me. She was so blindly in love and I enjoyed it. She started getting a little too independent though and I didn’t like that at all. I held her as I put the needle back in her arm. I’d always enjoyed her that way – weak and unable to fight back. She never seemed to think about it regardless. Jynx was so drugged up that she couldn’t if she’d wanted to. I made sure she stayed that way for a long time. We had very special moments. You can’t imagine the power I had over her and how good it felt. I loved every minute of it. Then finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and so I turned her. I wanted to have her like that, forever. I never thought it’d give her the strength to make her own decisions. It was disgusting. She seemed so … empowered after I turned her. She wasn’t cured by any means, but the frail doll I’d once adored was no longer there. I lost all interest, but she was still mine. Even if I didn’t want her anymore, she would remain the pretty doll on my shelf until I said otherwise. It seemed that she had other plans. She ran from me. After EVERYTHING I did for her and she ran from me. Can you believe that? I made her what she was and she thanked me by abandoning me. Well, that just won’t do. I’ll see to it that she’s back in my clutches. She is mine. If I cannot have her, well, then no one else will. It’s as simple as that. She was mine and no one else has any right to her, not even herself.
In a way, I envy Jynx. It disgusts me that she was able to do what I never could. She seemed to find strength out of nowhere. I was never that lucky. I obeyed him because my life depended on it. I was so in love, so young and weak. He loved me for every fault and crack in my personality. He used to leave me with my thoughts, tied down in one place, for long bouts of time. He didn’t worry over my feelings or needs. He did as he pleased and I adored him for it. He was so unlike me. He was strong and used that strength to teach me and mold me. He made me how he saw fit. I adored him for being able to be ruthless. I needed it. He showed me that. I craved the abuse. I enjoyed it. He put me in my place exactly as I deserved. I was always weaker. Even before him, others preyed on me. I went from one to the next looking for that person who could decide my fate for me. I never had the ability to decide on my own – why would I want that? It’s so much easier to let go and have them do everything for you, to make you theirs and know that you need nothing else. To be reminded with each kiss, and scar.
He turned me. We spent years the way we always had. Then a werewolf killed him. I was in that dark room for weeks before I thought anything was wrong. How was I to know better? Most of the time, he left for long weeks and came back as he pleased. Who was I to question? When he came back, he always responded to my presence with a quick “you’re still here?†I never dared to move. If I’d escaped my duties to him, my responsibilities, then he’d have punished me. Many times I escaped on purpose. He had such passion for teaching me a lesson. I went a month without feeding before the insanity started taking over and I started becoming very weak. I’d went through every blood bag near the bed before I final broke free of the handcuffs. I knew he’d punish me, but I didn’t fear him doing it – I relished the idea. Mostly, I was worried that he’d found another. It took me a week to find his body. I was so crazed with my need for blood and vengeance that I killed countless blurry faces before I finally felt like myself again. I went on for a few years, trying to find someone to fill that hole he’d left in me. No one seemed up to the challenge. I always was very difficult.
Sometime along the line, I decided that no one would do that for me any longer. I didn’t immediately consider moving into that kind of position that he’d once held over me. It was gradual but after a long time, it happened. Jynx was not my first, but she was my favorite. I’d had multiple men and women before her. I’d had humans and vampires alike. I found that I liked human. I enjoyed the process of turning them, or in most of their cases, watching them die. Jynx was strong enough to survive but that strength changed her too. I didn’t enjoy her like I once had. Still, she was mine, and she would forever be mine. I would have to show her that she was mistaken in leaving me. And so now I find myself in California, tracking her, trying to understand this new her so I can get her back and teach her a final lesson.
In a way, I envy Jynx. It disgusts me that she was able to do what I never could. She seemed to find strength out of nowhere. I was never that lucky. I obeyed him because my life depended on it. I was so in love, so young and weak. He loved me for every fault and crack in my personality. He used to leave me with my thoughts, tied down in one place, for long bouts of time. He didn’t worry over my feelings or needs. He did as he pleased and I adored him for it. He was so unlike me. He was strong and used that strength to teach me and mold me. He made me how he saw fit. I adored him for being able to be ruthless. I needed it. He showed me that. I craved the abuse. I enjoyed it. He put me in my place exactly as I deserved. I was always weaker. Even before him, others preyed on me. I went from one to the next looking for that person who could decide my fate for me. I never had the ability to decide on my own – why would I want that? It’s so much easier to let go and have them do everything for you, to make you theirs and know that you need nothing else. To be reminded with each kiss, and scar.
He turned me. We spent years the way we always had. Then a werewolf killed him. I was in that dark room for weeks before I thought anything was wrong. How was I to know better? Most of the time, he left for long weeks and came back as he pleased. Who was I to question? When he came back, he always responded to my presence with a quick “you’re still here?†I never dared to move. If I’d escaped my duties to him, my responsibilities, then he’d have punished me. Many times I escaped on purpose. He had such passion for teaching me a lesson. I went a month without feeding before the insanity started taking over and I started becoming very weak. I’d went through every blood bag near the bed before I final broke free of the handcuffs. I knew he’d punish me, but I didn’t fear him doing it – I relished the idea. Mostly, I was worried that he’d found another. It took me a week to find his body. I was so crazed with my need for blood and vengeance that I killed countless blurry faces before I finally felt like myself again. I went on for a few years, trying to find someone to fill that hole he’d left in me. No one seemed up to the challenge. I always was very difficult.
Sometime along the line, I decided that no one would do that for me any longer. I didn’t immediately consider moving into that kind of position that he’d once held over me. It was gradual but after a long time, it happened. Jynx was not my first, but she was my favorite. I’d had multiple men and women before her. I’d had humans and vampires alike. I found that I liked human. I enjoyed the process of turning them, or in most of their cases, watching them die. Jynx was strong enough to survive but that strength changed her too. I didn’t enjoy her like I once had. Still, she was mine, and she would forever be mine. I would have to show her that she was mistaken in leaving me. And so now I find myself in California, tracking her, trying to understand this new her so I can get her back and teach her a final lesson.
LINDSEY - ADMIN EDIT - BILLIE PIPER.